Parenting.  That is a big word in the grand aspect of life.  I did my best!  My daughter really needs to “think” about who she is talking too when she says things.  Not only that people she talks too or is with like her boyfriend who’s throw back to her is “she led a shelter life”  really needs to view the WHOLE canvas and not the HOLE view!

I am so tired of the sly comments my daughter makes.  I guess her “childhood” was just so terrible, so hard and apparently so sheltered.  I did the best I could with the means I had!

My daughter is 23 years old.  For the first SEVEN (7) years of her life and  my son is going to be 20 and for the first FIVE (5) years of his life, I raised my children on MY OWN!  Single mom, married but ex was in military and never home, then single mom again until I met my hubby who then joined in raising OUR children!  (he loves them as his own, they are his own in his eyes).   I did the best with the means I had to raise them.

She tells people she didn’t have “POP” until my hubby and I were married.  Gee apparently that was because I was an evil mom who didn’t let her children have pop.  (that is the HOLE view perspective)  How about it was a luxury WE could not afford to HAVE.  (that is the WHOLE canvas view).  It wasn’t something I could afford to buy.  It wasn’t a need.  What was wrong with milk, juice, and water?

I am so tired of this “she lead a sheltered life” mentality.  Wow.  I really think those parents who children I took care off all those years I did child care in my home would say other wise.  I mean would they have “trusted” me with their own if I was raising my own wrong?

If she crosses a line and is told she is acting “over the top” by taking away pop from her boyfriends little one, apparently its because I had RULES and did the same?  Gee let me break that down shall I?  (her boyfriend told her that by the way)

If we went out to dinner yes I think any parent has done this, limited a refill until they have eaten?  If they were misbehaving at the table or drinking more than eating, slid the cup over saying eat your meal.  Is this a bad thing? Was that “over the top”?

Blown away today I am blown away.  I am not perfect, no one on this planet is perfect.  Jesus was perfect!  I am not.  My parents raised me the best way they knew how or felt.  I raised mine the best way I could.  But to use things as an excuse for perhaps decisions she feels is best as well its because of her so called sheltered life, my so bad parenting I did?  Frankly I am tired of it.

I love my children.  Since the day they were conceived I love my children.   When I found out my children were being abused by my babysitter when they were young, I quit my job and worked with the school district so no more baby sitters needed.  I HAD to work!  I supported my kids on my own and NO CHILD support.  And when you work with the school, your pay is broken up and stretched so when it was summer vacation and you were not working, you still had that income coming in.  I did the best I could with what I had coming in.  I cleaned for my grandma and she pay me a little money so I could buy diapers, or milk or cereal.  I went without, what parent doesn’t?  I ate one meal a day so my children could have three!  Then when God blessed with me bringing my hubby into my life, and given an opportunity to work from the home (I did child care) so no more sitters, I was here each and every day when they came home from school until they graduated.

I’m sorry we couldn’t afford to go to Disney world or other trips such as this.   They had a place to live, food in their bellies and trust me they had things such as BIKES (gee I got my first bike when hubby and I got married in 1998), we did things together.  We had family time, fun time, meals out, trips to parks, picnics,  even pool passes for them when teens to go the city pools to go swimming, we made memories, we did arts, crafts, baked and decorated cookies, and such, even joined in on the Pokemon Card craze with them.  Went to movies.  I am sorry but I can’t remember it all.  They had things, video game systems, computers, toys, books.    They didn’t have it all but they certainly didn’t have nothing either! But its not the material things in life that matter.  Its love!  And the love they have, sometimes they can’t even see it!

But because we could not afford for them to have a zoo of animals for pets, they lived a sheltered life.  We had pets.  We had a dog until she passed away and kitties!  Sorry no bunnies, guinea pigs, hamsters, fish, sorry you were sheltered from not having pets!

Apparently I am acting like a 16yr old again!  Why?  Because finally at the age of 42 years old, after raising my children, taking care of my father on my own for 13 years until he was put into a long term care facility (this past January, rehab since last November), I am painting my nails and loving it.   She claims I never let her wear or have those colors growing up?  really? wow.  I remember buying her lots of polishes, no not black or hooker red, sorry.  Gee she wanted to color her hair.  I never colored my hair ever, until I got some hi-lights in what December of last year. I have gray hair!  She was 13/14 and had purple shades, reds.  I colored her hair for her.  But apparently I am acting like a 16 year old because now I have TIME to do little things for me?   Ya know what maybe that is okay I never got to be 16!  I never got to go to prom (she did), I could make a list of things I never got to do, but cook clean and I got a job when I was 16, joined the Navy when I was 18.

Her distorted View, you know the HOLE view of her so called sheltered life, isn’t the WHOLE picture.

I am sorry if I wasn’t perfect and I never will be.   I was always there and always HERE for my children.  But I can’t take the digs, and little comments on how rough life was for her anymore.  It hurts, her twisted view of things,  wow!

I could sit here and write a book, but the tears in my eyes and flowing too hard to type anymore.  Truth hurts?  No its not “truths” she is telling.  It hurts because its the HOLE perspective and not the WHOLE view!

I did my best dear daughter.  I did my best.  I am sorry it wasn’t good enough.

Last night after dinner I thought since our city has started recycling again, actually gave us a bigger can for it and the pick up every other week, I thought hey, lets sort through stuff I just toss in my closet and get a jump on spring cleaning.  I still had cell phone boxes from wow years ago.  My mother in law brings me a load of bookets, magazines and some books from time to time.  They are in bags and in my closet.  Some of the books I pass on, but most of these I have given some back to her and they come back, so I recycled the magazines and such.

I always flip through the books as sometimes my mother in law will write in the margins.  Its neat to see things underlined or written out.  So I opened one book and seen a note written in there, and it wasn’t for me, then I found a letter tucked in right there.  It was like note cards and it started with honey, I thought maybe she wrote it to me and well needless to say it wasn’t.  I came out sat in the chair, and started to read it out loud to hubby who was shocked to hear what I was reading.  The part that bothers me most is the thing she said regarding me, as if she had to explain me?  How how I came from a strange home and have strange problems and how my hubby helped me put my life back together.  I want to say WTH is that?  Stuff about my family and my life!

Hubby and I sort of joked around, you know, he saved me, but you know deep inside it bothered me.  It hurts.  When I tried to explain to hubby how I understand his mom has health issues and all, but that is bothered me, he got flustered with me saying oh come on.  Like its not something to be upset about?

It isn’t his mother’s place to tell anyone or try to explain who I am.  I have to say, in all honestly, this was nothing at all something I would of expected from his mom.  Never in a million years.

Its not her place.  In time the hurt will go away.

There is a line between what is right, and what is wrong.  Its a very fine line,  to some it may be at a different place than others.  But there is a line and I for one will not cross it! You don’t knowingly take someone’s money, give them a false sense of all is well and right, then poof, disappear! Its not right!  There is a saying in life you reap what you sow!

I often wonder how some sleep at night?  Seems the pixel end of our web community is decreasing more and more!   Oh well live and learn, forgive but never forget!

I am about to pull my hair out.  I purchased two scrap kits and a grab bag from a scrap store, and here I am 25 minutes later still trying to download them!!!  I have patience, but it never takes this long!!!  Its not on my end, its the store, they need to do something to handle the “load”