This is the first I ever seen whiskers on my dad’s face that are as long as they are now.  He hasn’t even had enough energy to shave.  Seriously in all the previous times he has not been well or sick he has never gone this long without shaving.  He did get up out of bed today and into the wheel chair.  My dad had his slippers on and no socks.  NO socks!  My dad always, always has socks on!  I noticed a purple coloring in his feet/ankles and when I touch them it was cold to touch.  I went and mentioned to the nurse and she told me its just poor circulation.  She said which is normal for how he is I guess health wise.  I went back to his room and they had brought dinner and they nurse assistant said to him, please eat for me.  Dad wanted nothing but I asked her to get him another jello and told dad to please eat the jello’s and to put his feet/legs up on his bed to rest them to help with the circulation flow.

You can tell he lost some weight.  And wouldn’t you know it after all this time the bus has been in the repair shop, since February mind you, that they have it back and the first outing activity is Wednesday and he is gonna have to miss it.  He is so very upset about that  They way he is now, there is no way he can go!  He is gonna have to skip this one and hope he is much stronger to go on the next trip!

This morning just before or around 7am I got a call, I tell you calls, before 9am from the nursing facility always scares me.  It was a nurse calling to let me know about dads night, he was up and down a lot to the bathroom and the last time he had the walker and an aide and his legs were just so week he just fell just moving just a bit.  They had to call the doctor on call at 4am and he ordered some lab work (blood and urine).   She told me she was very concerned because of the weakness in his legs.  His vitals were stable.

I got another call just after I was finishing up my chores and starting to work on our bills from the nurse to let me know that because dad is so weak they don’t want him getting out of bed and dad wasn’t giving them any issues about it and just wanted me to know.  He said dad is pretty weak, and quiet, just laying there in bed.  They were still waiting on results of the lab work.  He also told me they made an appointment with the vascular doctor.  I decided to head on over and see dad.

I didn’t stay very long, as I wanted him to rest but I needed to go up and see him and hold his hand a little bit.  He sounds terrible.  Definitely all congested in his head and down in his throat area, he has a bit of a cough but I can’t tell if its in his lungs just yet because he wasn’t even strong enough to really cough.  He didn’t want to eat his lunch. I went down to the kitchen and asked for some gelatin and brought it back and kept the piece of lemon meringue pie off his tray and set on his tray table and told him I wanted him to eat those and drink some water before he feel asleep again.  He didn’t make eye contact with me today, he really didn’t move his head too much.  I can tell he is so very miserable.

Lab work came back and nothing really “popped” up.  Fever wise when you take pain medication and Tylenol like he does for the arthritis, he isn’t really showing a fever.  His vitals still good.  He is very exhausted and weak.  He seemed to sort of stare off like spacey to  me.

My fear?  Pneumonia!  My dad can go from having a cold to pneumonia just like that (snap your fingers).  As matter of fact the day he went missing and I had to call the police and then they called squad once he was home and they had me talk in him into going to the hospital, he had aspiration pneumonia!

However they are “treating the symptoms” and I guess its a course of plan they are following or follow.  I just called a few minutes ago and they said he just been resting off and on and dinner time the aide said he didn’t even eat 25% of his meal.  The nurse promised if anything changed, they would call me.

This is his 4th time falling since placed in the long term care of facility in January.  :(

When I went to see dad on Thursday as soon as I walked in his room and he seen me it was Oh am I glad you are here.  They had washed the wheel chairs during the night and they didn’t give him the cushion back.  So I asked his nurse and she brought him one but it wasn’t the same one.  Then he was asking if I would take him to a store to get a new remote for his TV the other one didn’t work.  I told him I couldn’t take him to the store but I would pick one up and bring with me Sunday (today).  It was a beautiful day and I wanted to take him outside for a walk as I promised him I would.  We walked around the building and chatted.

When I called him yesterday he was complaining again about the remote and a few other things.  I told him I take care of things when I came up tomorrow (today).

Hubby and I got a new remote (bigger buttons than the one that came with his TV – which works just fine for hubby and I) and we took it with us to program it.  When we arrived I wanted to get the remote up and running (programmed), then it was off to find a different cushion for his chair, he didn’t like his lunch so I went to the kitchen to get him a grilled cheese (requested they make one).  He was eating a bite of his brownie and I wish I could draw this, let me try and explain.  Picture holding the fork in your hand and you have something laying on it to put into your mouth (not poked but just laying on it).  When dad was taking that bite to his mouth he flipped the fork over and it fell and he dropped his fork, then he started cussing.  So I got a hot wash cloth cleaned his shirt and wheel chair up, picked up what he was eating off the floor and cleaned that up, then I washed his fork to give back to him and he said some more curse words and refused to eat anymore.

After a little bit I asked dad if he wanted to go for a walk and show hubby the patio area.  He grabbed the “new” remote and the TV wouldn’t shut off and he which button is it?  He had the right button but he isn’t “able” to press hard enough to turn the TV off.  This is the same issue he had with the “original” remote.  So now he thinks something wrong with the new remote.

Its not the remote.  Its his hands.  He just sometimes can and then sometimes can’t push the buttons hard enough.  He thinks its the TV that is broke or the remote or the fork’s fault.  He isn’t grasping its the losing strength n such.

I had to deal with dirty clothes that all he had to do was tell a nurse assistant they were there.  He could of gotten a different cushion for his chair sooner if he just asked!

The staff tells me oh he didn’t complain, oh he didn’t tell us this or that.  He knows the days I come and just depends on me to do it.  Again I don’t get much time to just visit because I spend my time taking care of things.

Hubby told me this evening, that he noticed dad was eating his lunch just fine until we came in and then all of sudden he didn’t like it and having me fetch him a grilled cheese sandwich.  He thinks had we not walked in, he would of ate what he originally was brought.   Hubby sees the pattern but…

At least he likes it there now that he is moved to the new room.  I just wish there wasn’t a but…  or all these other things to run around doing.  I won’t say I envy others who get to come in and spend their time just visiting, but I can’t say I don’t wish my visits, all my visits can be like that.

Look at all those yummies!  To me these are the best treasure a gal can have!  A pink purse (AAAHHH),  Nail Polishes – includes crackle, glitters and matte), Nail polish Strips (these are so cool and I love them very much), Lip gloss, lotions, lip liner and a crystal nail file!  Check out that adorable tote, that was gifted to me with my order!  Not to mention some stinkers (melts) for my warmers!  Oh yeah this is the good life for a gal!  ALL for ME!

Now that my children are grown, and help with caregiving now that dad has been moved to a nursing care facility, I finally after all these years have time for the little things for “me”.  Painting my nails!  This is such a treat.  I could sit every day and paint my nails!  I love getting creative and mix and matching.    I really love the nail polish strips, the designs are so much fun!    My hubby thinks i am a kid in the candy store, like I have a new treat just for me that bring such a smile to my face, and he said he loves seeing me like this (like when I do my nails and get so excited I show him and take pictures of them lol)

Its fun.  Having some time to do these things, is fun.  I love this path I am on finding me!  Finding the “girly” girl inside, who has been tucked away for much much too long!!

Its taken me a bit of time to find a video of the song to post so I could somehow share the song.  I listen to it every night when I go to bed.  This was the only video I could find on You Tube that I could watch the whole video of.  The others have clips of the movie (not just screen shots like this one) and I can’t even watch it for a minute I just tear up.

Please take a few minutes and listen to it.  My heart just loves this song!

When I went to the nursing facility, I noticed the administrator was in her office so I had a chat with her.  She explained in a bit more detail about the issue over the refrigerator and them stating dad was eating subs and yogurts (which he didn’t) (this was the family saying this) and I talked to her about getting the juice in for my dad and he didn’t need the refrigerator.  I bought up my concerns that dad is still in the “threatening to leave phase”, and we needed to get dad moved as soon as they could to another room.

After I finished talking to her, I headed down to dads room, had one of the nurse assistants come in so I could get the two juice boxes I had in there for dad, that is all that was his (there was a few sodas but I sent them back to the kitchen dad wasn’t drinking them). I talked to dad about when we had a change bringing the refrigerator back, however if they got the juice in for him like they say, really not a need as its something I would not have to bring anymore.

I made up his menu for the upcoming week, changed the blanket on his bed and sent the other one down to laundry (blankets from home) and visited a little bit.

After I was home a couple of hours I got a call from the nursing facility, to let me know they are moving dad to another room and gave me the room number.  This made my dad very happy, happy enough that he called me to tell me too!  So today was the big moving day for him.

I am hoping the new room and roommate will make things easier in the “staying” area.

Last night I barely got two hours of sleep.  My IBS is in full misery mode today.  Stress is the factor for the flare up I am sure but hoping and praying for a good night fo sleep tonight!

I am so happy God answered my prayers on getting dad moved.  I really am hoping for more positive/pleasant visits, and not negative visits!

I got a call yesterday around 6pm from the social worker at the facility.  He wanted to apologize for any inconvenience there has been over the refrigerator.   While I had this discussion and had to call him back because it didn’t make a lot of sense to me.  Apparently sharing a refrigerator isn’t working out which is fine, however the family of the patient dad is with is really rude and they don’t want to share with my dad, they claimed dad was eating his room mates yogurt.  First off dad doesn’t even like it!  All that I had in that refrigerator for my dad was some V8 juice and some juice boxes.  All of dads other foods are kept in a dresser drawer or on his dresser.  Dad forgets about his juices and drink boxes.  Only time one came out is on days I go to visit him because “I” get it for him.  I was upset, angry over the “pettiness”

The social worker said they called the fire marshall and we can bring the refrigerator back up.  However it was a smaller one and dad really didn’t get in or out of it himself either.  It was my daughters boyfriends and he already too it back to storage.  Its fine dad doesn’t “need” one.  The offer to share the other was made but the “daughter” apparently (other patient) had a fit.   Ironically its been a month and now its a problem?   The patient dad is in with doesn’t wear his hearing aide and the TV is full blast, so they have issues with this and nurses turn it down, so because the family was notified that its hard on “dad” and they need to come up with a solution for their dad, she lashed out with the issue of the refrigerator.

My dad already is wanting to leave.  They are going to move dad to a new room once one opens.  There is an empty room now!  TWO beds in it.  However there is a patient coming in but until they access him, they can’t really say whether or not it be a good match for dad.  But I don’t understand is why not move dad, access him and either decide to share room with dad or the patient dad is with now?

So I am leaving soon to go up there and praying dad isn’t in one of those cranky mean moods because of all this.  I am going to approach it with him that I gave it some thought and decided he doesn’t really need to share the refrigerator and requested the kitchen get V8 juice for dad, since they  do order special things for other patients.  This would totally solve the issue and just give dad a juice each day!

So I am praying the new patient coming in can be a match for my dad.   I like dads room mate, I have no complaints.  Other than the loudness issue.  His family is mean and rude to him, you should hear them when they are there.  It makes my heart break to hear how they treat him.  Bob is nice and polite and talks to me.  I always smile and sometimes he will ask me to do something for him and I do it.  Compassion is something his family lacks.  While I don’t have a say or control in how they treat their dad, I do over my dad.

Its an adjustment for dad and myself.  And this doesn’t help but adds to it.  So I am praying today goes smooth.  I just might break down in tears if not.

“I have written your name on my hand! Isaiah 49:16”

Romans 8:31 asks, “If God is for us, who can be against us?”

Indulge me a moment.  Four words in this verse deserve your attention.  God is for us.

Say it out loud.  God is for us.

Repeat it, emphasizing each word.  Come on, you’re not in that big of a hurry.

God is for us!  GOD IS FOR YOU.

Your parents may have forgotten you, your teachers may have neglected you, your siblings may be ashamed of you; but within reach of your prayers is the maker of the oceans.  God!

God is for you!  If he had a calendar, your birthday would be circled.  If there’s a tree in heaven, he’s carved your name in the bark.

Isaiah 49:16 says, “I have written your name on my hand!”  No one can defeat you.  You are protected.  God is for you!

 

God is for us!  God is for you, and he is for me.   Tears in my eyes!

The weather was beautiful on Friday, was actually in the high 70′s and the sun was shining!  I soaked up every minute of it that I could once I got my chores done that is!  Then hubby and I headed out to Home Depot for curtain rods (double) and then off to JCP for semi-sheers.   Saturday the weather was cold and icky, no sunshine (just like today) so we did our DIY project.  The rods are so nice, we have never had nice ones like these.  Now I have have double layers and LIGHT, yes natural LIGHT coming in.  That has always been my number one complaint here, the lighting sucking!

My dad wasn’t one to like have curtains open or light coming in, he always made sure if the curtain was open just an inch he close it.  Now that dad is in a nursing facility its like hubby and I are just starting our lives together, I don’t mean this in a bad way, please don’t take as such.  We are going on 14 years of being married, 13 of those my dad lived with us.  So it feels like we are on our own now if that makes any sense?

Hubby has been so sweet about things like the curtains!  This is a big thing I wanted to do for so long!  We hope this year to replace the windows.  These windows are still the original windows from when this house was built.  In the past six years we have but a new roof on, carpeting (which needs replaced again) in living room/hallway, and a new furnace.   Plumbing work, new toilets too (and I still am NOT a fan of the one in our main bathroom.  I don’t like it) and lots of things outside, taking trees down, planting bushes and plants such like that.

My dad, I love him to pieces but he literally is knit picking/complaining about every little thing.  It seems he is fine and loving where he is as long as their is activities and parties, like last weekend the Titanic thing they had for the weekend.  Those visits are always so nice, but just regular visits they are negative negative negative!  I am trying so hard.  Today when we left I had tears in my eyes as we drove away.   My hubby says he is doing all he can playing this “guilt” thing, just waiting for me to say, you know what dad, you just come home and I will take care of you.  I can’t say that.  I can’t do that alone, again.  I mean the littlest things he gets upset over, like throwing away his napkin.  It was used and housekeeping cleaned and threw it away he had a fit.  He said he was just going to tell them a few not so nice words that I should post here.  I went down to the kitchen asked for some napkins and got a box of tissues from the nurse aide and I said here you go dad.  Then he said someone was taking his underwear!  He said he only has three pair and all of them are dirty now.  So I checked his drawers, went down to laundry they had one pair!  I brought them back, took the dirty clothes that he puts in a drawer and bagged them and took them down to laundry to be washed.  That brings back to light 4 pairs.  Now my dad when he had not made it to the bathroom in the hospital, he throw them away!  He did same here.  Now I just bought new underwear for him once already, which an extra pack here for “back up” and he already needs them.  So I resolved this issue (will take the other package up this week).

Its like I spend my time doing things up there for dad, making his menu out for the week (that is my Thursday visit, I plan his menu for the next week (its sheets with breakfast/lunch/dinner options and I have to do a lot of tweaking).  Then its I need this, go get that.  Then when I go on Sunday’s I am running around sorting issues.  Last week was sheets on his bed needing changed (he has actually told them to go away and do it another day), I just want one day I can just go and “visit”.   I am always taking a bag with food like now he has me bringing a loaf of bread each week, jar of peanut butter (and new when old is empty), his candy, snacks.   I don’t think we should have to still buy these things.

When I call him which is every day, wow its just too much sometimes.  I know this is an adjustment for him and for me but can’t we have a conversation without the little “guilt” comments?

I am going to start calling him every other day now.  Sometimes it takes three or four times before he answers (like tries to call) and then I will say I tried to call and he said yeah I know.  He never calls me!  Once he did I answered he hung up.  I called back and took him a bit to answer and then said to him hey you called and hung up.  He said I did, no I didn’t and argued with me about it.

So I told him today I call him Tuesday!  I asked if he wanted me to call tomorrow (Monday) he said no just call me Tuesday.  So that is what I will do.

Now Wednesday he has a special dinner and next weekend Elvis is coming for a show so he will be in good spirits those days.  He actually told us today… everyday, after he is done with delivering mail and the 2:00 activity, he goes back to his room and around 3:00 he gets aggravated so he just eats a piece of candy.  I said why are you aggravated?  He said nothing to do!  I said to him you just said you delivered mail and had an activity what do you mean nothing to do?

OH and he told me, in one of the family rooms (like living rooms) he hid a remote so this guy could not go in and watch TV so he could be in there and watch it!  He said that was “his room”  LOL.   I mean you can’t hide stuff from other patients.  He is going to get caught just watch!

In October 2010, I was put on sleeping pills so I could sleep at night.  Also at that time Xanax.  These are two medications I want to do away with needing.  So we have set up a three month goal!  My stress levels are not at the level of 24/7 and he says we still need to do a little more work at lowering the stress, which I am continuing to work on.

I stopped taking my sleeping pills three weeks ago.  However sleep, solid quality sleep I am ever so lacking.  He did write one more 90 day supply (I have to do mail order with our insurance) so if  “I really need one” I have them.  He said to try Melatonin.  I picked some of that up, its over the counter and tried it last night, and well I had the worst night of sleep yet.  But not giving up!  I can do this!

The Xanax is only as needed.  I have been doing quite well not taking it on a daily basis already.  Just if I really needed it, like the type of day I had when I did my last post.

Goals are to get down to just what I have to have,  estrogen, thyroid medication, and the Relpax for when I do get a migraine.  That is it.  That is my goals.

I quit taking Topamax back in November.  The generic formula isn’t the same and all my insurance would cover and the side effects I just couldn’t handle.  It made my stress levels even worse.   So I already started making adjustments then.

I go back in three months and see how things are going.  Blood Pressure is good.  Taste buds off but that will hopefully work itself out as well.  The doctor said because of my sinuses and the constant drainage, that could be the culprit there.